John's Quest

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John's Quest

Postby Namo » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:25 am

John's Quest
by Chunky678
Genre: Compilation
Platform: Windows
Rating: 30%
Status: Not Approved.

With the amazing power of Game Maker, you too can slap together a game with minimal effort and share it online!
...Much to the chagrin of practically everyone involved.

With the introduction of GUI-driven game creation in 1994's Klik and Play, gamers, young and old, all around the world, have been making and sharing their games on the internet. Those were times where standards were lower. Progressively since then, GUI-driven game creation tools have been released, made obsolete, and replaced. Currently, Game Maker is the dominant tool. And there is a lot of hate to go around it and it's user base.

And it's easy to see why. Every day, more and more games with minimal effort are churned out. And today's focal point is John's Quest.

Quite honestly, there is nothing good to say about this game. The author, Chunky678, I hope is either extremely new at game making, or is just hopelessly bad at it. I cannot even begin to grasp the mental concept that would make him or anyone think that John's Quest is anything but a bad game. But, since I'm a nice guy, I'll give it a fair chance at a review and approval.

And quite honestly, I tried. After playing this game for one session - one short, 15 minute session - I can only assume the author is either a young child or a terrible comedian.

The moment you launch the game, you are treated to a splash screen with an awful pixelated stretching of the YoYoGames logo, with a colorful and droll "press any key to begin" message. Upon pressing the key, the music starts - get acquainted with it, you're going to be hearing it for the rest of the game. A terribly drawn title screen is shown to you, with your typical menu - start, options, help, and - my favorite - quit. Not only is it an eye-sore to look at, it's so bright and colorful you can barely tell just what the hell's going on in the title screen, let alone even see the options to select them! After you click play with your colorful, equally bad looking cursor, it all begins.

You are presented with an illegible comic strip detailing what I assume is the story line for this game. I think. I couldn't be non-plussed to tell you.

The first level has a bunch of GM-Standard balls bouncing around a room whose walls are made of GM-Standard squares. The goal of the level is to click each of them away. I'm not joking. They're moving at such a breakneck speed that clicking becomes difficult - even more so that the clicking is unresponsive nearly all the time. But that's okay, because there's a little message saying I can press the N key to go to the next level and OH MY GOD IT DOESN'T WORK. No! I actually have to click all the balls away to go to the next level...

...which is just as bad. Remember when you're first starting out in Game Maker and you have that little pac-man clone that teaches you how to make games? Yeah, this is that, but worse. There's collision issues, half of the gems you can't even collect, and sloppy control. Also, the default music for the Pac-Man game starts playing. But the annoying title music is still playing too. Thankfully the level skip actually works here. And even in the next levels, the pac-man music is still playing.

So after skipping about 6 more levels of the Pac-Man clone, I ended up in a platform area, using the Archaeologist from the pac-man game, who still runs on the Pacman physics. There's some gems to collect in this level, so I went to collect one. And this really loud ringing sound effect echoed endlessly, and some letters at the top of the screen lit up. To save my eardrums and speakers, I skipped the level.

The following level is like checkers. Only, there's 3 colors - Green, Red, and flashing-beige. Oh, they're also egg shaped instead of being circles. Odd. Anyway, you can only assume the goal here is to click and drag the checkers around, only they aren't in their original positions, nor is the board the right dimensions anyway. On top of that, clicking the red or green checkers doesn't move them - it destroys them. I clicked away the red and green checkers and then proceeded to click a flashing beige one - and it brought up a high-score table. The checker didn't go away either. Confused, I tried to skip the level... and level skip doesn't work any more at this level. I took it upon myself to do what I should have done the moment I started the program...

...And clicked the X button. I didn't just click it once. I clicked it several times. After the program was closed, I noticed I was sitting there clicking the empty space where the X button once was. I probably sat there for a good minute, clicking, and it was infinitely more fun than playing John's Quest for 2 minutes.

Recap:
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==Screenshots==
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My eyes, they bleed.

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This one's going right up on the refrigerator!

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Ball Clicking fun the whole family can enjoy!

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Notice how the player isn't visible. It's because he walked off screen to go do something more important. Kind of like what I should be doing.

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Great I win! Wait, no I don't.

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Re: John's Quest

Postby Nicholas » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:30 am

Not approved. To me it looks like an unfinished job. Not just because of the graphics, cause we have to give him a chance to improve, but, the effort he put into the game just continued to destroy the game. Next time, Chunky678, please put some good effort into the game. Fair review.
Nyphoon

R.I.P Rudy. You will always remain in our hearts and prayers.

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Re: John's Quest

Postby Namo » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:44 am

If you can't tell by my review, I do not approve this game.

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Re: John's Quest

Postby LavaWave » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:00 am

Wow, it's complete garbage, I'm glad I didn't bother playing seeing as the screenshots shout "just another gamemaker game"

Not approved by me either.
Image

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Re: John's Quest

Postby Namo » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:08 am

Then it's unanimous. The game is not approved.


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